It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
