I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
