Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
