Don't make out with my wife yet
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
