im so drunk with asians
where?
always
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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