she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
as a side note pls kill me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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