I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
