Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
