remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
