I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
