Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sobbing to NWA
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
