just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh god it's open bar.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
