11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
