So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
