The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
