drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
