Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize