my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
