Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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