Me too!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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