I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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