Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
