i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
