That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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