He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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