This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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