Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
