There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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