i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
