I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
