You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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