Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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