she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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