I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize