my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
