Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
