just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
