Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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