glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
