pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
