I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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