I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
