Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
