just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
