You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize