I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
