I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
