i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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