I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
