This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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