I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
