The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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