He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
