dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They have beer where we have blood.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
