I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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