P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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