my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
