If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dear god my vagina.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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