My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
