tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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