Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
