NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Rumble strips road head = magical
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You had me at "let me see your balls"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
