You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
