I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
