Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
