tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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