And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize